Fear

Fear. According to Merriam-Webster, fear is an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. But what is in a definition? Fear to each person means something different. To me, fear means loneliness, death, failure, presentations, long dark alleys, and shots. While some of these are greater things in life such as death and failure, they are nonetheless something that I worry about on a weekly basis. What if we will not make it to see another tomorrow? Or what if we do something that causes us to be disgraced by all? In the Scarlet Letter, the main character was ousted by society because she was thought to have been an adulterer: failure. What if the things we do are not accepted by our friends but we believe them to be good and justifiable? Should we continue to follow our beliefs or should we comply with our peers to be accepted by them? I say follow your heart, confront your fears, and your life will follow from there. If you do not follow your heart, then you will have nothing carrying you through life. And if your peers do not accept you for what you want to be and do, then perhaps they are not your true friends.

So while we all encounter the fears of life in the long-run, we each fear little things in the short-run; whether they be spiders, darkness, or alcohol poisoning. Today for me, it was shots. Well not only for today but forever in my life I have feared and hated shots. Part of the reason I hate them is because of the anticipation. I know that it is "supposed" to hurt. Therefore in my mind, I have implanted in my mind that it will hurt and that I need comfort. Every time I went to the doctor to get a shot I always had my mom hold my hand to comfort me because of my fear. And up until now, I always had that comfort there to support me. Once when I got the gardasil vaccine, I fainted. Yep...fainted alright. And luckily my mom was right there next to me. So perhaps I have a greater justification for harboring a fear of shots inside of me. But what is the purpose of that fear? Is it because this small event could lead to me encountering my long-run fear - death? But when I walk into the doctor's office or up to the vaccine clinic, I am not deeply thinking about death in the back of my mind. That this moment could mark the end of my life. And am I fearful of actually getting the shot or am I fearful of the anticipation of getting the shot? Perhaps the latter.

As I am now out on my own in college, I no longer have my mom there to hold my hand when I get a shot. Today I went to get the H1N1 vaccine. My mom told me, just pretend that I am there holding your hand. The comfort of having her think of me eases my nerves, but do I really need that comfort or is fear entirely mental in this situation? Comfort is always nice; but my fear is completely mental here. Can I not mentally overcome the fear? I sat down in the chair. (This was my second shot that I got at college; it was given in a general common room, similar to a situation that others may have encountered when they got shots at Walgreens for example. But I had never been in this type of situation before so it was an entirely new experience for me - and slightly intimidating instead of the personal connection I had with my doctor in the enclosed room.) Nonetheless, the action of getting the shot was painless. And it took merely 30 seconds - if even. So perhaps I was just fearful for nothing at all. Fear, I believe, is culturally constructed. If I had not know that shots could be painful when I was little. If I had not heard from my friends that they got a really painful shot. If I had not seen a little girl crying after she got a shot. If I had not been offered a bribe of icecream for getting a shot. If these events had not occurred, then maybe I would not have that fear of shots. So don't be fearful of something because others are fearful; be fearful if you feel it deep inside yourself. And even so, try to overcome those fears.

Face your fears. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."